10 Guidelines for Creating Connection
You can exercise, eat healthy, and sleep well but without connection, it’s hard to feel whole. You may feel a sense of emptiness- a gnawing sense that something is missing. We humans are social creatures, born wired for emotional connection and we have lived in groups for millions of years. We may think we’ve grown more comfortable with less social interaction but living in isolation is not a state in which humans thrive.
Relationships are the connections we build with family, spouses, friends, neighbors, co-workers and people we encounter. Community is a powerful source of support and life satisfaction and building connection is a conscious choice! We can build healthy relationship habits just like we do other healthy habits in our life. Below are some guidelines on how to do just that!
1. Connection takes effort. “Friending” is a practice. Like exercising, building and maintaining friendships and connections takes effort, intention, and care.
2. Be Intentional. If you want loving feelings, do loving things You have to take action! Work on building and cultivating your tribe. Invite people to do things. Look people in the eye and say hello. Greet your neighbor, or the cashier at your grocery store by name. Be of service to others –volunteer. Check-in on people. Join a group activity like a hiking club or book club. Spread kindness – even it’s just holding the door for someone. Simple moments of connection can create a ripple effect of positive energy that radiates throughout your community.
3. Prioritize Presence/Quality time. We live in a paradox: in a world more digitally connected than ever, we are lonelier than we’ve ever been. When you’re with someone, be with them. Put your phone away. Your undivided attention is one of the rarest, most valuable gifts you can offer. Practice active listening: hear to understand, not to respond. Technology, despite all its benefits, cannot replace personal connection.
4. The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life! Create meaningful relationships which requires opening up your heart. Let trusted family and friends see your messy, human self! Share your struggles and joys. Deep, loving connections with others are among life’s most gratifying experiences. They also support our mental, emotional, and physical health in ways too numerous to count.
5. Recognize and celebrate the YAYS! Who doesn’t love hearing when something you’ve done was well-received or you’ve made their day? We have to celebrate the wins. Express appreciation for both big gestures and small actions. Tell your family, friends and partners how they made you feel!
6. Resolve Conflicts Constructively. Conflict is inevitable in relationships. How we navigate conflict determines the quality and health of the relationship. “Fighting right” can actually lead to deeper compassion and connection with one another. Approach disagreements with curiosity instead of defensiveness. Focus on solutions rather than assigning blame. Take breaks during heated arguments to cool off and gain perspective. Remember: You’re a team!
7. Physical touch. Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter which is produced in the hypothalamus and released into the bloodstream by the pituitary gland. It’s referred to as the “love hormone” because levels of oxytocin increase in response to hugging, feelings of love or intimacy. Oxytocin delivers a wide range of health benefits from potentially improving depression and anxiety to enhancing bonds between humans and even animals! Physical touch might not be your love language, but it’s important. Maintain touch through hugs, hand-holding, and affection!
8. Maintain Individuality. It’s important to have your own thing outside of your relationships. We cannot be everything to everyone else. Always encourage growth, respect boundaries and give each other space when needed.
9. Evolving connections. Connections change over time. Friends can be for a reason, season or lifetime. They can be leaves, branches or roots! We don’t have to have the same community our whole life and we also don’t need to be in just one community.
10. Let go of negative connections. Not every relationship will be a healthy one, so recognize those relationships that are the keepers – the ones that support your spirit and make you feel good. Cultivate them and hold them dear, and let the negative ones go. Relationships with drama and conflicts that never seem to get resolved add a boat load of stress to daily life. Some connections are better than others. Think of relationships like a garden: some plants naturally thrive and help everything around them grow, while others struggle despite constant care. Stop trying to save what's dying. Find what's thriving and help it flourish. Withdraw your energy from toxic relationships and spend more time building up the positive ones.
